An Aesthetically Pleasing Collection of Stuff

J’ai tant rêvé de toi

J’ai tant rêvé de toi que tu perds ta réalité.
Est-il encore temps d’atteindre ce corps vivant
Et de baiser sur cette bouche la naissance 
De la voix qui m’est chère?

J’ai tant rêvé de toi que mes bras habitués 
En étreignant ton ombre
A se croiser sur ma poitrine ne se plieraient pas
Au contour de ton corps, peut-être.
Et que, devant l’apparence réelle de ce qui me hante
Et me gouverne depuis des jours et des années,
Je deviendrais une ombre sans doute.
O balances sentimentales.

J’ai tant rêvé de toi qu’il n’est plus temps
Sans doute que je m’éveille.
Je dors debout, le corps exposé
A toutes les apparences de la vie
Et de l’amour et toi, la seule
qui compte aujourd’hui pour moi,
Je pourrais moins toucher ton front
Et tes lèvres que les premières lèvres
et le premier front venu.

J’ai tant rêvé de toi, tant marché, parlé,
Couché avec ton fantôme
Qu’il ne me reste plus peut-être,
Et pourtant, qu’a être fantôme
Parmi les fantômes et plus ombre 
Cent fois que l’ombre qui se promène
Et se promènera allègrement
Sur le cadran solaire de ta vie.

-Robert Desnos

It took me exactly five tries to be able to let you go 
without leaking regret all over your work shirt
and even then i’m sure you were able to hear my bones trembling
in the space of those silences 

that was how well you could read me 
not like a children’s book at all but like I 
Was a theory to settle the universe
and you were the only scientist to speak that code

So when you began to pull away, I knew 
that falling out of love would not be the same
as falling in and even ‘fall’ was not the right word
I hurtled into you with the ferocity of a broken wing on a jet engine 

you were the soft earth beneath all that metal
we fit like a collision and when we began to scrape apart
I found that pieces of myself were left inside of you
shrapnel, a bone of my elbow, the cap of my knee, my shoulder blade

there is something gently calming in the way I know
that it will take you years to methodically extract me 
from your body, and that twinge you’ll get sometimes in your leg twenty years later?
it’s the fallout from where I met you head on 

and I know it’s not your fault that you couldn’t stay
t’s not mine either sometimes
broken things can’t be helped but those people who say that
there is beauty in destruction?

Show them your scars 
show them our train wreck of a love
there is nothing beautiful
about how two people can destroy
and save each other at the same time. 

Azra. T “there’s no beauty in the breakdown”

"The meaning of life is that it stops."